6

My sister took me to the nearest nursing home for treatment. After the incidents of me getting lost and Pearl breaking in, she stayed by my side almost all the time. Even when there were things that needed to be dealt with, she would ask the nurses to watch me and not let anyone get close to me.

I feel like I am losing more and more memories, many of which are about Pearl . After Pearl found out about my situation, she came to see me more than once. She apologized to me again and again in front of everyone, but was blocked by my sister. I was immersed in my own world and could not hear her heartbreaking cries. I would suddenly become incontinent without noticing it; I would suddenly become mentally ill when I was calm, and curse and smash others. But every time I was a little sober, I would apologize to everyone who caused trouble and regret it constantly. Then, I continued to fall into this endless cycle.

I thought about ending my life more than once, at least that way I wouldn't cause any more trouble to my sister. But every time my sister would stop me and beg me not to leave her. She said if I left, she would have no relatives in this world.

But sister, if I were by your side, you would only suffer more. I am like a person who is soaked in muddy water, and you are desperately trying to pull me up on the shore. But I can't get up anymore, and it may even bite back the people on the shore.